The Prank
by SilverMooonshine
Summary: The Baron had had enough.


Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition, Round 10

Holyhead Harpies, Beater 1

Prompt: write about the Bloody Baron

(song) 'Forever Young' by Jay-Z ft. Mr Hudson. I focused on the lyrics "I'll be alive for a million years" and the theme of living forever as a ghost.

(dialogue) "Can't say I'm too fond of house-elves."

Word count: 1,149

* * *

 **The Prank**

There were three sounds: A bomb exploding, which woke the Bloody Baron from his nap; a scream, which brought his headache back; and a cackle that was all too familiar.

That was it.

The Baron had had _enough._

He flew down the dungeon's corridor at breakneck speed, causing a few students on their way to Potions class to scream and jump out of the way. One girl—a Hufflepuff, he noted as he caught a flash of yellow on the scarf around her neck—wasn't fast enough; he breezed right through her, whipping around the corner before she had time to shudder.

"Ho, there, Baron, what's your rush?" asked the Fat Friar when they passed each other on the stairs, but the Baron didn't stop to talk. He rocketed up the stairs, eyes fixed on the staircase that would lead him to Gryffindor Tower.

The portrait hole was guarded by a portrait of an incredibly plump woman with a lovely face— the Baron supposed that if he had been alive, and if she were slightly slimmer around the gut, he might have been attracted to her. "What are you doing?" asked the Fat Lady, eyes wide as the Baron sped toward her. "I can't let you in—you don't have the password! Ahhh!"

He flew through her frame as if it were mere air.

A chorus of shrieks went up as the Baron swooped through the Gryffindor Common Room, dousing their roaring fire with one swish of his ice-cold, ghostly cape. A pair of girls bolted up the stairs, ducking their heads as if afraid the Baron would attack them from above. One boy shouted, "What's _he_ doing here?" before fleeing toward his own dormitory.

A handful of students remained, all four of them boys. A mixture of shock, fear, and intrigue colored their faces as the Baron lowered himself to the ground and glided toward them. "Can we help you, Mr. Baron, sir?" asked one of the boys. He was trembling.

"Oi," said another boy beside him. "This isn't your common room. Get lost on the way to the dungeons, did you?"

For the first time in decades, the Baron lowered his jaw and began to speak.

"Potter."

The boy with the dark, messy hair swallowed hard and took a step forward. "Me?"

The Baron nodded. His voice sounded rusty and weak, but he opened his mouth again. "James Potter."

Potter nodded. "James. I'm James Potter. What do you want with me?"

"What do you want with him?" the trembling boy echoed.

The boy with long hair nudged the trembling boy in the stomach. "Shut it, Peter."

The Baron pointed. "Potter. Black."

The long-haired boy blinked. "I'm Black. You sure you aren't looking for my brother?"

The Baron shook his head. "Sirius Black."

"Oh." Black looked confused. "Yeah, I'm that one."

The Baron took a deep breath. "You're the ones who pull pranks."

Potter and Black exchanged a glance. "We've been known to present the occasional joke," Black said.

The Baron stretched his lips into what he hoped resembled a smile. "I need your help."

* * *

"Let me get this straight," Lily said later that evening, once the Baron had left. "The Bloody Baron asked _you_ for help."

James was beaming. "That ghost hasn't spoken since he died, you know. And he spoke to _us._ "

"But what does he want?"

"He wants us to pull a prank." Sirius was rubbing his hands together, eyes bright. "The ultimate prank."

"The prank to end all pranks."

"The _mother_ of pranks."

"The prank that—"

"But who are you pranking?" Lily asked, interrupting James by shoving her hand over his mouth. The promise ring he'd given her a fortnight ago glinted on her finger.

"Think about it." Sirius looked delighted. "Who does the Bloody Baron hate the most?"

Lily shrugged. "Whoever killed him, I imagine."

"It was suicide," James said loudly from behind Lily's hand.

Lily took her hand away from his mouth. "I repeat: whoever killed him."

"Fair enough. Besides _himself_ , who does the Bloody Baron hate the most?"

Lily pursed her lips as she thought. "Peeves?"

"Exactly." Sirius exchanged glances with James. "Peeves. He's always causing trouble for the poor old Baron, who just wants to haunt the castle for eternity in peace. The poor bloke's going to be around for a million years. That's a long time to be bothered by Peeves."

"So we've been invited to prank the prankster," James said. "All in the name of the Baron, of course."

"When we're through, Peeves will be _terrified_ of the Baron."

"And in return, the Baron will force Peeves to do whatever we say." James sighed happily. "Think of the possibilities, Sirius."

Lily scowled. "So in exchange for your services, the Baron's making Peeves into your own personal house-elf."

Sirius winced. "Can't say I'm too fond of house-elves. We had a dreadful one back home. I'd prefer to think of Peeves as . . . a partner in crime."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Whatever you say."

* * *

It took weeks of planning, but at last, the trap was laid.

"Peeves will come through that door," said James, pointing to show the Baron. "We started a rumor about couples meeting in this room to snog. He won't be able to resist."

"But when he opens the door, he'll release this bucket of water, which will fall on his head and douse him." Sirius nodded toward the bucket they'd rigged above the door. "It's enchanted to make clothes disappear."

"Quite the useful charm," James said with a wink. "We invented it ourselves."

"Peeves will then go here, to grab this towel that we've conveniently draped over this lovely wardrobe." Sirius led the Baron to the wardrobe. "Do you see the sign on the wardrobe?"

The Baron squinted. "'Boggart. For Educational Purposes Only. Do Not Open. This Means You, Peeves.' You got a boggart?"

Sirius shook his head, grinning. "There's no boggart. It's just an empty cupboard."

"But Peeves will be tempted into opening the doors, just because we told him not to."

"And when he does. . . ."

"Out pops the Bloody Baron!" James waved his hands in the air as if he were a ghost trying to scare someone. "So now Peeves thinks you're his worst fear. He leaves the room, screaming and attracting attention like he always does, and runs into a large crowd of students."

The Baron's eyes widened. "But isn't he—"

"Yes." Sirius nodded solemnly. "He's still doused in water that makes clothing disappear. Peeves is in front of the whole school, completely naked."

The Baron's eyes glowed. "Well done, boys."

James sighed dreamily. "Students will talk about this prank for years."

"The next generation will hail us as heroes."

"And Peeves will never bother you again, Mr. Baron. Not for as long as you live—erm, well, you know. Exist."

The Baron cracked a smile. It looked painful. "Forever."


End file.
